Wake-Up, Goddamnit

The facts are pretty clear cut: we’re running out of oil. In fact, we’ve been running out of oil since 1971, at least on this continent. Although we won’t know for sure for another couple years, the rest of the world started running out of oil between 2005 and 2008. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, but it’s a sure bet. Unless, of course, every reputable geologist on the planet is retarded. And I find this unlikely. Running of oil is bad, especially for those of us who love our iPods and our Cheetos. And what makes it worse is that the recent industrial explosion in China and India have increased the rate of oil consumption to such a degree that it’s likely the planet will be out of the stuff by 2030 (That’s not entirely true. There will still be oil in the ground at that point, but by 2030 it will cost 2-3 barrels to remove each remaining barrel). Most people respond to this by saying, “Ok, so we’ll use nuclear and wind power for electricity and hydrogen will fuel our cars”. My response is, “You’ve been paying too much attention to George Bush, and he is a certifiable retard”.

Here’s the real problem: fertilizer is all produced by natural gas. Stick natural gas in the category of “oil” for the sake of simplicity. So if we run out of oil, we run out of fertilizer. If we run out of fertilizer, we run out of food. All of modern civilization is predicated on the fact that cheap fertilizer can triple or quadruple the output of every acre of arable land. It was called the green revolution. If you run out of fertilizer, you lose 2/3 to 3/4 of your agricultural output. And that means famine. I don’t care about global warming. I don’t care about the price of oil. I don’t care about driving to work. I don’t care about heating my home and I don’t care about getting cable. But I care about eating. You might say that I have grown accustomed to food. And I care about the fact that paying $25 for a pound of rice will drive us all into the poor house, if we can even get it at that price. Never mind the Cheetos.

I’m not the first to notice this. I’ve been mulling it over for the past couple years. Actually, I’ve been trying to forget it for the past two years. $4.00 gas just jogged my memory. Like I said, I’m not the first to notice this. All the brilliant people I know are much more attuned to this than me. It’s well documented. I’m just the most recent guy to start freaking out about it. I hate to sound like a kook, but I’m preparing for this. Call me the good boy scout that I am (Eagle Scout- April, 1994). Despite the fact that it might not happen, I am preparing for this. Hell, maybe we will find some magic bullet that makes oil moot. It could happen. Really. And I could win Powerball. The odds are only 1 in 150,000,000. Yeah, that is a lot. But I’m pretty goddamn lucky. How about you?

I’m putting in chickens. I am starting large gardens. Eventually I’ll have 4 acres in vegetables and fruit. I am learning to can. I have a huge pear tree. I am growing apples. I am buying a wood stove. I am putting in a manual water pump. I am building a root cellar. Eventually I’m going to learn how to make moonshine, my great-grandmother, Bupka, would be proud. I expect to be thrown unhappily into 1890 sometime in the next 20 years.

No, I don’t like this. I like my life today. I love civilization as it now stands. But what can you do? The past 150 years are probably a blip in the 5000 year history of modern humanity. When faced with the inevitable end of civilization you gotta plan for the worst and hope to god (anyone’s god) for the best. It’s all any of us can do. So when are you building your chicken coop?